Monthly Archives: December 2012

Elephant Tricks

The animal rights group, ASPCA, will pay Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus $9.3 million to settle a lawsuit claiming the circus abused elephants. Cruelty, schmuelty. Everyone knows it’s perfectly natural for an elephant to stand on its hind legs…with a pony in its trunk.

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Reindeer D**k in a Box

Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake, now look what you’ve started!

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Netflix Outage

Netflix issued a video apology for the service outage which affected its customers on Christmas Eve. Unfortunately the video was unavailable for streaming, but it was said to be very sincere.

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Christmas Decorations Heist

On Friday, two men were arrested for stealing Christmas decorations from homes in Ripon, California. “If those guys could have waited just five more days, they’d have been marked down 50%,” said Walmart, K-Mart, Target, Michael’s Dollar Tree, Kroger…

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Air Pepper Spray 12

Nike is set to add a new athletic shoe to its line — the Air Pepper Spray 12. The shoe will be available exclusively at Hulen Mall in Fort Worth, TX.  The first 300 – 400 customers to purchase a pair will also receive a free Hulen Mall Security Guard Bobblehead and a commemorative can […]

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Fiscal Volcano

President Obama and his family flew to Hawaii on Saturday to visit the ‘Fiscal Volcano’.

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Steve Jobs Yacht Impounded

On Friday, Dutch authorities impounded Steve Jobs’ “superyacht” because of a dispute over an unpaid bill. On Saturday, his “yachtmini” was also impounded.

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Mistletoe Cure

Researchers in Australia have discovered that mistletoe may be beneficial in the treatment of colon cancer. “Kiss me, you sexy proctologist, you,” said 90% of test patients studied.

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Chinese Toad Found in Candlestick

A Chinese toad was found trapped alive in a porcelain candlestick in a shipment to South Africa. “We thought you was a candlestick,” said Delmar O’ Donnell.

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Mayan Calendar

Is it just me, or do the carvings on the Mayan calendar look remarkably like animal crackers?

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